By Hemendar Pusa
Nanhi Gilhari — pause before labels, listen before judgment
This post shares a practical lens for parents, educators, and leaders.
When We Judge Too Quickly
A classroom moment that changed how I respond to children’s behavior
I am writing this as both a parent and an educator, speaking directly to other parents. Over the years, I have learned something important:
Every parent becomes a teacher through daily life, and every teacher carries the heart of a parent. So when we talk about children’s behavior, we are not standing on opposite sides. We are standing on the same side, trying to understand a child better.
One Question Worth Pausing For
Before labeling a child as problematic, rude, withdrawn, or difficult, it is worth pausing to ask: Is my judgment helping this child or quietly harming them?
A Classroom Moment I Will Never Forget
Several years ago, during an observation visit to a private school, I entered a classroom while a lesson was in progress.
Sometimes, presence speaks louder than correction.
As I looked for a quiet place to sit, I noticed a boy sitting alone at the back of the classroom. There was an empty space beside him, and I naturally walked toward that bench. Gently, I was stopped. “Sir, please sit somewhere else. This child is problematic,” someone said. I smiled and replied calmly, “It’s okay. I am comfortable sitting here.” I did not speak to the child, question him, or attempt to correct him. I simply sat beside him, maintaining a respectful distance, and allowed the class to continue. After a few minutes, he leaned toward me and spoke softly, “Thank you, sir. You are the first person who sat next to me like I am a human being. I have no friends. No one sits beside me. Even teachers talk about me like this.” His words carried years of emotional isolation; they needed no further explanation.
What I Did and Why It Mattered
As a parent or teacher, you may wonder: What strategy did you use? What intervention worked?
The answer is simple and often overlooked. I used a social work principle called Non-Judgmental Attitude. In practice, this means, I did not label the child, I did not assume intent, I did not rush to correct behavior. Instead, I separated the child from the behavior and focused on creating emotional safety. I had not corrected his behavior, I had not offered advice, I had not spoken a single word.
Yet, something powerful happened. The child did not thank me for teaching him. He thanked me for treating him like a human being.
What This Means for Parents at Home
Children often communicate unmet needs through behavior, especially when they lack words to express emotions like fear, loneliness, or rejection.
A non-judgmental response does not mean ignoring boundaries or rules. It means choosing understanding before interpretation. It means choosing understanding before interpretation. Instead of asking, “Why is my child behaving this way?” we can gently ask, “What might my child be trying to tell me?”. This small shift reduces defensiveness, builds trust, and keeps connection intact, even during difficult moments.
A Gentle Reminder From Nanhi Gilhari
Nanhi Gilhari reminds us that big bridges are built through small, mindful actions. Before we speak about a child our own or someone else’s it helps us to pause. Not to label, Not to conclude, Not to react.
Just to PAUSE. Sometimes, the most meaningful support we offer a child is not correction or advice, but this quiet message:
“I am willing to understand you before I describe you.”
Think back to a moment in your own life, maybe in a lonely school hallway, a tense family gathering, or a misunderstood moment at work. When you felt unseen, judged, or labeled. What if, just once, someone had paused, sat beside you, and simply acknowledged your humanity? That’s what happened in the classroom that day, and it’s a lesson for all of us: sometimes the greatest gift we can give at home, at school, or at work is understanding before judgment.
If this story resonates with you, take a moment to reflect: what would that quiet, non-judgmental presence have meant for you? Share your thoughts in the comments, and if it touches your heart, pass this story along to at least one person you truly care about. Sometimes, the smallest act of seeing someone fully is the most profound change we can offer.
Nanhi Gilhari - A Little Squirrel
Building bridges where judgment once stood.
It is the right approach.
ReplyDeleteThank you. When we pause before judging, we create space for understanding and trust.
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